Monday, September 19, 2005
Stop…stop…he’s already dead…
For the amount of space I’ve been devoting to talk of hamburgers lately, I should just change the title of this thing from “Small Shelly Fauna” to “Adventures with Mayor McCheese” (he welcomes you to Chicago, you know). But so anyway, right before I left Bloemfontein, I went to get lunch at this steakhouse, and I saw that they offered burgers of the following sizes: 200 g, 300 g, 400 g, and “the daring kilogram.” Well, I couldn’t very well let that one go, could I? Now, I know my metric conversions. But I think Americans are inherently of the conception that all metric units are less than their Imperial counterparts, because you know, the metric system is inferior to our way of things (the opposite being the case, of course, but I think in drams to the hogshead and that’s the way I like it, dagnabbit! Thank you, Stonecutters.) A centimeter is less than an inch, a kilometer is less than a mile, a liter is less than a gallon. And so even though you know it isn’t true, in your heart of hearts you always kind of think that a kilogram is less than a pound. In fact, a kilogram is 2.2 pounds. So man, that was a huge burger. After I finished it, the waiter informed me that I was the first patron of this restaurant to ever successfully consume their kilogram burger, to which I responded that the stereotype of the gluttonous American was not entirely unfounded.
For the amount of space I’ve been devoting to talk of hamburgers lately, I should just change the title of this thing from “Small Shelly Fauna” to “Adventures with Mayor McCheese” (he welcomes you to Chicago, you know). But so anyway, right before I left Bloemfontein, I went to get lunch at this steakhouse, and I saw that they offered burgers of the following sizes: 200 g, 300 g, 400 g, and “the daring kilogram.” Well, I couldn’t very well let that one go, could I? Now, I know my metric conversions. But I think Americans are inherently of the conception that all metric units are less than their Imperial counterparts, because you know, the metric system is inferior to our way of things (the opposite being the case, of course, but I think in drams to the hogshead and that’s the way I like it, dagnabbit! Thank you, Stonecutters.) A centimeter is less than an inch, a kilometer is less than a mile, a liter is less than a gallon. And so even though you know it isn’t true, in your heart of hearts you always kind of think that a kilogram is less than a pound. In fact, a kilogram is 2.2 pounds. So man, that was a huge burger. After I finished it, the waiter informed me that I was the first patron of this restaurant to ever successfully consume their kilogram burger, to which I responded that the stereotype of the gluttonous American was not entirely unfounded.
Comments:
My heart, along with my digestive tract, soars like an osprey when I read of such epicurean feats. With misty orbs, I am reminded of the glorious three-hour, free, if eaten entirely, two and one-half foot sub consumed in the wee hours at a Plattsburgh, NY diner in 1973. Apparently, the hamburger does not fall far from the cow (or, in this case, the bull).Way to show the Afrikanners that us Yanks are not all pantywaist, salad-nibbling, carb-avoiding wimps. We became the fattest nation on earth the old fashioned way: we Earned it.
# posted by 
: 8:04 AM
: 8:04 AM
Chris--It's with an anticipation that has no rival that I look forward to your latest adventures. Indeed, I feel tht we are joining you on this journey and though I was a little bit shy about the food you describe, found it delicious! The picture you sent was breathtaking and I can only imagine how it must be first hand.Keep us posted, Dolly, we love to read about you. My thoughts and prayers ( regardless of our mutual differences) are with you all the time. We love you--Bye for now - Gram and Pop
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# posted by : 9:40 AM
: 9:40 AM