Monday, September 05, 2005
I would gladly pay you on Tuesday for a purgative today
I’ve eaten a lot of hamburgers in my day. I mean, a lot of hamburgers. I have a lifelong quest to find the perfect burger. Every time I go to a restaurant for the first time, I order a burger. Most of them I find mediocre, some transcendent, and a few truly vile. Yes, an unfortunate side effect of the quest for the world’s best burger is that one will eventually run across the world’s worst burger. And let me tell you, we have a new contender for the title. Today I had, bar none, the worst burger I have ever eaten in my entire life. The establishment that unleashed it on me billed itself as a café, but was really more like a convenience store that also happened to serve really bad lunches. Just looking at the beast, I had a vague notion that this was not going to produce the proverbial yummy in my tummy, but I hadn’t had a real meal in days and I was desperate (I had been surviving on NutraGrain bars squirreled away in my bag, but at last, the supply ran out.) It was everything a burger should not be: lukewarm, grainy, vaguely orangeish-colored, and slathered with a not-quite-ketchuppy sauce with the distinct consistency of mucus. The edges were hard like a hockey puck, but the inside was soft and gritty. Bun was okay. It occurred to me that this is what a KrustyBurger would be like in real life (indeed, my first thought upon biting into it was “Ugh! I think I swallowed some of the juice!”) Whatever was in that thing, it sure as heck wasn’t beef. I’m telling myself goat at the moment just so I can sleep at night. I’ve washed the sucker down with a good liter and a half of pineapple Fanta, but the taste still lingers. Oh, how it lingers!
Well, that was the Tale of the Amazingly Bad Hamburger. Stay tuned for more unbelievably thrilling ADVENTURES…IN…AFRICA!
Including the incredible adventures:
In Which Our Hero reviews local mealie papperies!
In Which Our Hero shops for conditioner!
and
In Which Our Hero is absolutely convinced there is a bug in his bed, even though there really isn’t!
I’ve eaten a lot of hamburgers in my day. I mean, a lot of hamburgers. I have a lifelong quest to find the perfect burger. Every time I go to a restaurant for the first time, I order a burger. Most of them I find mediocre, some transcendent, and a few truly vile. Yes, an unfortunate side effect of the quest for the world’s best burger is that one will eventually run across the world’s worst burger. And let me tell you, we have a new contender for the title. Today I had, bar none, the worst burger I have ever eaten in my entire life. The establishment that unleashed it on me billed itself as a café, but was really more like a convenience store that also happened to serve really bad lunches. Just looking at the beast, I had a vague notion that this was not going to produce the proverbial yummy in my tummy, but I hadn’t had a real meal in days and I was desperate (I had been surviving on NutraGrain bars squirreled away in my bag, but at last, the supply ran out.) It was everything a burger should not be: lukewarm, grainy, vaguely orangeish-colored, and slathered with a not-quite-ketchuppy sauce with the distinct consistency of mucus. The edges were hard like a hockey puck, but the inside was soft and gritty. Bun was okay. It occurred to me that this is what a KrustyBurger would be like in real life (indeed, my first thought upon biting into it was “Ugh! I think I swallowed some of the juice!”) Whatever was in that thing, it sure as heck wasn’t beef. I’m telling myself goat at the moment just so I can sleep at night. I’ve washed the sucker down with a good liter and a half of pineapple Fanta, but the taste still lingers. Oh, how it lingers!
Well, that was the Tale of the Amazingly Bad Hamburger. Stay tuned for more unbelievably thrilling ADVENTURES…IN…AFRICA!
Including the incredible adventures:
In Which Our Hero reviews local mealie papperies!
In Which Our Hero shops for conditioner!
and
In Which Our Hero is absolutely convinced there is a bug in his bed, even though there really isn’t!
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