Small Shelly Fauna

The Politics of Dancing

I have known for some time that the Square Dance is the offical state dance of Washington. I believe this factoid first came up during some sort of trivia contest in 7th grade, and it has stuck in my mind ever since. In many ways I always found this counterintuitive. Yeah, Washington is a western state, but it's got that separate Pacific northwestern aspect to it, and I just don't think "square dance" when I think of Seattle culture. It is far easier to accept square dancing as the official state dance of the more rural Oregon (which it also is). And yet it would seem that country dancing is all the rage in Seattle, despite my assumptions otherwise. Still intrigued by this fact, I recently went searching for the other "state dances." If there's one thing states love doing, it's passing largely pointless legislation, resulting in the creation of any number of state flowers, birds, songs, fossils, gems, trees, marine mammals, etc., etc. So I figured there must be a bunch of other state dances out there. Sure enough, there were. California has the Western Swing, Texas has its eponymous Two-Step, Wisconsin honors its eastern European immigrant population with the Polka, and South Carolina has the Carolina Shag. Beyond these states, however, things started to get really fishy. Washington and Oregon both have the square dance as their state dance. Okay, they're kind of similar as states go, I guess I can see that. But more and more states started popping up, listing "square dance" as the state dance or as the state folk dance. By the time I discovered that square dancing was approved by the legislatures of Massachusetts and New Jersey, I knew something was wrong. Come now, Joisy? Pull the other one. The folks I know from Jersey would sooner bust open your skull than be caught dead "promenading." How then, could this state embrace square dancing as its emblem? I soon found out the answer, although I never would have guessed that it involved a vast, shadowy conspiracy to install square dancing as the offical dance of every state!

I suggest you read Julie Mangin's fascinating expose for yourself, entitled "The State Folk Dance Conspiracy: Fabricating a National Folk Dance." All across America, Illuminati-esque groups of Western square dancers are working in unison to make club square dancing first the folk dance of every state, then the nation. And who knows where they will stop. Next...THE WORLD! Already, the square dance legislation has infiltrated two dozen states. How? Mangin cites the lure of the "National Square Dance Convention" as a major economic motivator. But the better question is...why? Honestly, this has to be the lamest conspiracy I've every heard of. Installing the square dance as the folk emblem of all 50 states? That sounds more like the crackpot scheme of a Powerpuff Girls villain than an actual legislative force in this country. And they've been successful with it! Probably because no one took their plan seriously, other than the stalwart folklorists and local dancers who have worked to combat the club square menace. This situation sets the mind blazing with ideas. Who knows what other state emblem conspiracies could be conceived in the near future? Now join with me, my dark brothers, and together we will make Palatino the official state font...everywhere. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!