Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Truly you are King of Kings
Years of afternoon specials featuring genies cautioning children to be careful what they wish for have instilled in me an almost pathological fear of having my wishes come true. Whenever it looks like something I've always dreamed of has finally been created, I am at first disbelieving, then deeply unsettled. There's got to be a catch, right? There must be a downside to getting everything I've always wanted. All media designed to quell the materialistic tendencies of children have taught me that that's the case. (The sole exception standing out in my mind is Willy Wonka saying, "Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after..." But Willy Wonka was a seriously scary and messed-up dude, so I take all of his "wisdom" with a healthy dose of suspicion.) Yet, as I get older, I find that more and more of the dream-wants of my younger self have become real, and it ain't bad at all! Long ago, in the 80s, there were no giant squid models being produced. But more than anything, I wanted a model giant squid. So, I wrote to Santa Claus asking for one, because he could make anything, and that's all I really wanted. Of course, I didn't get it. Some ten years later, the Monterey Bay Aquarium released a giant squid model, and I bought that sucker (no pun intended) right away. And it was just as glorious as I always hoped it would be. Years ago, I could barely imagine that I could have all the episodes of The Critic or The Simpsons in one compact medium, with reams of additional information and features included. Then, it was just a prophecy, but now, in the future, it has occurred. Similarly, there are all sorts of monsters and prehistoric animals that I'd love to have toys of, but they'd never make them...here in the U.S. But I recently discovered that in the Japanese toy market, they've made all of them and more. It's like they've been monitoring me while I sleep! Of course, there is a catch. Namely, that my wallet can't easily survive getting everything I've always wanted. But this is a minor quibble, the point is that they exist, and should I choose to partake of them, I can.
Which brings me to the real topic of the day: another dream realized thanks to Japanese industry. As a dino-obsessed child, it should go without saying that I watched Godzilla movies constantly. My best friend in elementary school was a fellow G-fan, and we spent most bus rides and recess breaks discussing which movies we'd seen and drawing pictures of the various monsters. Our favorite activity, though, was coming up with ideas for our own Godzilla movies (which, in retrospect, I guess qualifies as some sort of proto-fan fiction, but I prefer not to sully the purity of my memories with that phrase). We came up with all sorts of ideas, but we always agreed on one thing: we needed lots of monsters. For the greatest Godzilla movie that either of us ever saw was Destroy All Monsters: you know, the one where aliens get together a whole mess of monsters to try to take over the Earth, but then the good monsters break free, and it all ends in the kaiju rumble to end all rumbles (with King Ghidorah getting his rump handed to him on a platter by a Gorosaurus jump kick, in a scene that must be seen to be believed.) After going through all of our ideas for potential monster movies, we decided that we could never out-do the plot of Destroy All Monsters. Thus, a sequel or remake of sorts would be the coolest thing that could conceivably occur. But of course that would never happen. Sure, Toho might occasionally put out a film with three, max four monsters (for the tag-team bout), but the movie of our imaginations would need at least a dozen. So it became a dream deferred, shriveling like a raisin blasted with radioactive fire.
Flash forward to the present day. 2004: 50th anniversary of Godzilla. Toho announces that it's taking a break from the monster game, and will stop making Godzilla movies after this year (for a while, at least.) But they're not going out without a final hurrah. That hurrah? Godzilla: Final Wars. The plot: Aliens from Planet X (score!) get together a whole mess of monsters and try to take over the Earth. Thirteen monsters will be present (double score!): Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Gigan, Anguirus, Manda, Minya, Kumonga, Ebirah, King Seesar, Hedorah, Kamacuras, and the never-before-seen Monster X. Suffice it to say that I've been as giddy as a schoolgirl on PCP ever since this news was released. I mean...ye gods, man! I can't even think about it without starting to hyperventilate! Most of those monsters haven't been seen since the '60s! It's about time that long-suffering Godzilla second banana Anguirus made a comeback. And I never thought we'd see Hedorah, the Smog Monster, again.The one that gets me most excited, though, is Gigan, who was always one of my favorite Godzilla villains but was woefully underutilized in the movies. Also, he was constantly getting teamed up with loser monsters like Megalon (the giant cockroach who got defeated by a third-rate Ultraman ripoff). Nevertheless, he was awesome: a cyborg monster from Nebula Space Hunter M with claws for hands and a buzzsaw in his belly. With such weapons at his disposal, he became one of the few monsters that ever caused Godzilla serious damage--causing the Big G to spurt geysers of red gouache on more than one occasion. Obviously, Gigan played a big role in the movies my schoolyard chums and I would dream up. He would need some updating, though: for one, his hook-hands were kind of clunky, so we imagined replacing them with scythes. Two, he was supposed to be a cyborg, but other than the stomach saw and a red visor-eye, he didn't really look it, so we imagined giving him metallic armor highlights. You can imagine my reaction when pictures of the new Gigan suit for Final Wars were released. If you can't, think of several hundred rabid howler monkeys being compressed into a phone booth that was then further filled with bees. But GOOD bees. It was kind of like that. Oh, I know I'm gushing here, but I just can't help myself. Really, the only glaring omission in this movie is the lack of Godzilla's archnemesis King Ghidorah. But, there have been rumors that Monster X transforms into some kind of Super-Ghidorah at the end of the film, and given Monster X's tripartite head and double tail I can see it happening. I can only pray that that's the case.
Final Wars is premiering in Tokyo on December 4. I've decided that I can't wait a year hoping to snag a bootleg DVD, then watching this epochal event in monster movie history on a grainy 12-inch screen. To that end, I'm flying to Japan in December for the expressed purpose of seeing this movie. Well, and maybe to visit my brother. But mostly the movie! Madness, you say? Perhaps. But if it's mad to chase a dream, then slap on the straight jacket and mail me to Bedlam. I'd better wrap this up before I lose my last shreds of coherence, so let me end here by quoting the closing lines to Godzilla 2000:
Shiro Miyasaka: We scientists produced this monster: Godzilla. And ever since, we've tried to destroy him.
Yuki Ichinose: But then, why...why does he keep protecting us?
Yuji Shinoda: Maybe because...Godzilla is inside each one of us!
Oh, it's goofy as all heck, but it's true! So very true!
Years of afternoon specials featuring genies cautioning children to be careful what they wish for have instilled in me an almost pathological fear of having my wishes come true. Whenever it looks like something I've always dreamed of has finally been created, I am at first disbelieving, then deeply unsettled. There's got to be a catch, right? There must be a downside to getting everything I've always wanted. All media designed to quell the materialistic tendencies of children have taught me that that's the case. (The sole exception standing out in my mind is Willy Wonka saying, "Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after..." But Willy Wonka was a seriously scary and messed-up dude, so I take all of his "wisdom" with a healthy dose of suspicion.) Yet, as I get older, I find that more and more of the dream-wants of my younger self have become real, and it ain't bad at all! Long ago, in the 80s, there were no giant squid models being produced. But more than anything, I wanted a model giant squid. So, I wrote to Santa Claus asking for one, because he could make anything, and that's all I really wanted. Of course, I didn't get it. Some ten years later, the Monterey Bay Aquarium released a giant squid model, and I bought that sucker (no pun intended) right away. And it was just as glorious as I always hoped it would be. Years ago, I could barely imagine that I could have all the episodes of The Critic or The Simpsons in one compact medium, with reams of additional information and features included. Then, it was just a prophecy, but now, in the future, it has occurred. Similarly, there are all sorts of monsters and prehistoric animals that I'd love to have toys of, but they'd never make them...here in the U.S. But I recently discovered that in the Japanese toy market, they've made all of them and more. It's like they've been monitoring me while I sleep! Of course, there is a catch. Namely, that my wallet can't easily survive getting everything I've always wanted. But this is a minor quibble, the point is that they exist, and should I choose to partake of them, I can.
Which brings me to the real topic of the day: another dream realized thanks to Japanese industry. As a dino-obsessed child, it should go without saying that I watched Godzilla movies constantly. My best friend in elementary school was a fellow G-fan, and we spent most bus rides and recess breaks discussing which movies we'd seen and drawing pictures of the various monsters. Our favorite activity, though, was coming up with ideas for our own Godzilla movies (which, in retrospect, I guess qualifies as some sort of proto-fan fiction, but I prefer not to sully the purity of my memories with that phrase). We came up with all sorts of ideas, but we always agreed on one thing: we needed lots of monsters. For the greatest Godzilla movie that either of us ever saw was Destroy All Monsters: you know, the one where aliens get together a whole mess of monsters to try to take over the Earth, but then the good monsters break free, and it all ends in the kaiju rumble to end all rumbles (with King Ghidorah getting his rump handed to him on a platter by a Gorosaurus jump kick, in a scene that must be seen to be believed.) After going through all of our ideas for potential monster movies, we decided that we could never out-do the plot of Destroy All Monsters. Thus, a sequel or remake of sorts would be the coolest thing that could conceivably occur. But of course that would never happen. Sure, Toho might occasionally put out a film with three, max four monsters (for the tag-team bout), but the movie of our imaginations would need at least a dozen. So it became a dream deferred, shriveling like a raisin blasted with radioactive fire.
Flash forward to the present day. 2004: 50th anniversary of Godzilla. Toho announces that it's taking a break from the monster game, and will stop making Godzilla movies after this year (for a while, at least.) But they're not going out without a final hurrah. That hurrah? Godzilla: Final Wars. The plot: Aliens from Planet X (score!) get together a whole mess of monsters and try to take over the Earth. Thirteen monsters will be present (double score!): Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Gigan, Anguirus, Manda, Minya, Kumonga, Ebirah, King Seesar, Hedorah, Kamacuras, and the never-before-seen Monster X. Suffice it to say that I've been as giddy as a schoolgirl on PCP ever since this news was released. I mean...ye gods, man! I can't even think about it without starting to hyperventilate! Most of those monsters haven't been seen since the '60s! It's about time that long-suffering Godzilla second banana Anguirus made a comeback. And I never thought we'd see Hedorah, the Smog Monster, again.The one that gets me most excited, though, is Gigan, who was always one of my favorite Godzilla villains but was woefully underutilized in the movies. Also, he was constantly getting teamed up with loser monsters like Megalon (the giant cockroach who got defeated by a third-rate Ultraman ripoff). Nevertheless, he was awesome: a cyborg monster from Nebula Space Hunter M with claws for hands and a buzzsaw in his belly. With such weapons at his disposal, he became one of the few monsters that ever caused Godzilla serious damage--causing the Big G to spurt geysers of red gouache on more than one occasion. Obviously, Gigan played a big role in the movies my schoolyard chums and I would dream up. He would need some updating, though: for one, his hook-hands were kind of clunky, so we imagined replacing them with scythes. Two, he was supposed to be a cyborg, but other than the stomach saw and a red visor-eye, he didn't really look it, so we imagined giving him metallic armor highlights. You can imagine my reaction when pictures of the new Gigan suit for Final Wars were released. If you can't, think of several hundred rabid howler monkeys being compressed into a phone booth that was then further filled with bees. But GOOD bees. It was kind of like that. Oh, I know I'm gushing here, but I just can't help myself. Really, the only glaring omission in this movie is the lack of Godzilla's archnemesis King Ghidorah. But, there have been rumors that Monster X transforms into some kind of Super-Ghidorah at the end of the film, and given Monster X's tripartite head and double tail I can see it happening. I can only pray that that's the case.
Final Wars is premiering in Tokyo on December 4. I've decided that I can't wait a year hoping to snag a bootleg DVD, then watching this epochal event in monster movie history on a grainy 12-inch screen. To that end, I'm flying to Japan in December for the expressed purpose of seeing this movie. Well, and maybe to visit my brother. But mostly the movie! Madness, you say? Perhaps. But if it's mad to chase a dream, then slap on the straight jacket and mail me to Bedlam. I'd better wrap this up before I lose my last shreds of coherence, so let me end here by quoting the closing lines to Godzilla 2000:
Shiro Miyasaka: We scientists produced this monster: Godzilla. And ever since, we've tried to destroy him.
Yuki Ichinose: But then, why...why does he keep protecting us?
Yuji Shinoda: Maybe because...Godzilla is inside each one of us!
Oh, it's goofy as all heck, but it's true! So very true!
Comments:
That suit... I... wow. I admit I'm by no means close to versed in the monster movie genre, but how long would it take Final Wars to come out here in America?
-Ryan
-Ryan
# posted by 
: 10:09 PM
: 10:09 PM
No idea, really. Most of the recent Godzilla movies haven't been released in America in any form, and Godzilla 2000 was the last one to get theatrical release. Ideally, this one will get enough hype to warrant at least a limited run "in select cities" and maybe a DVD release by Sony (who's bought the rights to US distribution for most of Toho's stuff) a year later.
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